Getting Real
Dear Dad,
It's as if my whole life has been one big question: "what is my purpose?"
As you probably know by now, I've been trying to answer this question for a while now. But it wasn't until I picked up my Bible this morning & read Colossians 2 where I realized how loud other's voices can seem. So loud that it's becomes easy to forget how God saved us from abiding by anyone else's rules---but to rather follow His.
A lesson I've taken away from my start of doing daily Bible readings has been one that everyone's largely familiar with: "You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18).
If I've learned anything from 2024, it's how much easier said than done this can be when another party fails to hold that same mindset. But, what I've gathered from my readings thus far is how sometimes, as humans, we must look past how others may be treating us & simply just follow the word itself: treat others how you want to be treated. If we wait around for others to realize this & do the same, we'll be waiting for what may seem like ages (and quite literally can be ages).
My whole point of mentioning this excerpt that's easily labeled one of the most popular verses of the Bible, is the way in which I've realized that this doesn't always need to be done. & I don't mean that we shouldn't follow this at all, but not in its entirety.
In other words, sometimes we get too caught up in treating others with the utmost respect that we forget we need the same praise for ourselves, or ultimately even more. Regardless of how often I may preach prioritizing oneself, I truly don't think I'll ever fully surrender to it. Whether this includes forcing an hour doom scrolling or watching Netflix to stay present & calm my nerves, I'll never walk away from those moments feeling guilty that I chose to sit down & do something for myself.
I say this with now several years of treating my work (with academics, extracurriculars, jobs, sports, etc.) as my neighbor. On the bright side, what I've learned by doing this is how hard of a worker I can be---when I choose commit to something (sometimes too often), I make sure 110% is put into it. On the flip side, I've lost myself in this process.
How do I know? A break from school has allowed me to ask myself frequently who I would be without schooling. Not only does this include the academics aspect of it, but the constant meetings & responsibilities that somehow get me out of my dorm for 14 hours each day.
Even though these things that have come to fill up my schedule prove much more proactive than going to 7 hours of classes plus 4 more hours of reading/studying in high school, I still don't believe they truly define who I am. Or, at least, I don't want them to.
Instead, I want to turn my attention to something I can feel happy with waking up tomorrow amongst another pandemic (please forbid) & occupy my time with for as long as I can. This could be reading, taking pictures on my Canon, or having the urge to pick up my journal & write this today. And here's the catch---it doesn't have to turn into another responsibility or "job". It will just simply feel like one of my many purposes in life :)
Until next time,
Lauren
