Pondering my Path
"Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure"
-Proverbs 4:26
Man, does this sure feel so needed to hear but equally as contradictory on a daily basis!!!!
Dad,
How ironic is it that I spent quite literally all night racking my brain once again about my future and what I want to do with it, to finally picking up my prayer book at night (for the first time in several days) where it told me to read this verse in Proverbs. With lessons like this I try to avoid always saying "it was God" or just seeing it as another coincidence, but yet somewhere in between.
But in this case, as I suddenly believed the overflow of thoughts which I'd kept contained would physically start spewing out of my brain, the slight urge I had to put away my screens & read led to God giving me some much-needed reassurance.
Lately, I've been doing better with staying present in my thoughts regarding school, my timing as far as graduating, getting a job, and just my future in general. Although this is the case, little do I always forget that one night alone I'm back pondering my every move.
Isolation is a disease to me during these times, when the thoughts flow but there seems to be no one around to talk to. To "stay grounded" is something I always try to tell myself, but is quite difficult to do when I avoid letting people in. By this I mean choosing to go on a solo date with myself, watch a movie in the comfort of my living room, or simply just laying in bed with my cat on any night of the week. Sure, all of this is okay to do. It makes me happy—so what's the problem?
= balance. Having a balance between my alone time that I love so much & interacting with others besides my family are things that I begin to realize more and more every year are so crucial. I truly do believe that my transition from high school to college really showed me that I can find a balance, but the past couple months I've been finding myself falling into this familiar pattern of isolation from others. So not only did Proverbs reveal to me last night that it's okay to ponder my path as a part of growth, but experience the phases of life that may be defined by more isolation & alone time than others. God really does speak to us & show us His goodness!
So when will it stick? When will I stop admitting to others that I'm a homebody & like to hermit myself because it's comfortable for me? Instead of troubling myself over finding direct paths to employment or a fulfilled future, allow me to focus on who I want to surround myself with in order to achieve a fulfilled life right now.
Thank you Dad & God for this life, right here & now. This is what I pray for!
Your daughter,
Lauren
*Allow me to blame the slacking of posts & updating this site on the chaos of sophomore year! Many more updates & posts to come this summer :)
