Faith Over Fear
Dear Dad,
Why am I so afraid right now? So happy yet depressed about leaving, and as optimistic as I'll ever be about my future, but willing to give it all up in exchange for an ounce of security and comfort. I think the perfect word to describe my feelings at this point in time is: emotionally unstable.
The fact that at this time next week I'll be packing all of my belongings into my car and away from home has me feeling as scared as I've ever been. It would be subtle to say that I've been dealing with these feelings of uncertainty through retail therapy and social media, hoping to get some idea on how to look at the brighter side of things. Saying that this has been the best summer I've had in a long time--or ever--would be an understatement. Even with eighteen years on this glorious Earth, God has truly showed me throughout this time how beautiful the people, places and things are that I am surrounded by each and every day.
Around this time last year, I believed I was as grateful as I could have ever been. Now, I don't think I've ever felt more wrong, concerning that every time I think about all that the Lord has gifted me (love, sacrifice, redemption), I start to cry.
Within these past two years, I've been taught so many things. But nothing else has stood in front of me in times of struggle like gratitude. Yes, my mind is still constantly at battle questioning how I've been so lucky to be blessed with everything that I have. Almost as if asking "what did I do to deserve this?". I try my hardest to stop doubting myself and remember that God always has a plan. Although I hate the thought of how unpredictable this sounds, I know that what is meant to come will come. Whether my future holds getting an internship in Philadelphia or completely changing my path of study, I have to stay content with the idea that I don't know what my life is going to look like.
I've tried several times throughout my teenage years to conform my life into how I want it to look like. Little did I know that it's not possible to coexist with a life that you are not meant to have. Even though I strongly believe that some things won't come unless one works for it, it's hard to transform a life into something that it's not destined to be.
My personal example: I would love to be a blogger. Someone who travels the world, stays up to date with the latest trends and gives people advice. Despite this hobby being one of my many goals in life, I have yet to know if it's something God is willing to lead me to. He knows all, just like I believe you do now that you're with him. God may be known as the Highest, but you are my Guardian Angel who will always continue to teach me faith over fear.
Your daughter,
Lauren M Tauber
